I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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