she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
