The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
