I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
My vagina is very pro this idea
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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