Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
