So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
