I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
