Is it normal to miss your booty call?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize