I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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