Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
he fucked my hip out of place.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He's a Shit stain on my heart
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Randomize
