I just threw up on my dentist
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
