HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
