It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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