just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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