He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
