he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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