My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
