dude i'm inner monologue high
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
