ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
