i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
