I'm lost and stupid without you.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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