Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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