Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize