If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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