And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
