do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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