I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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