It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
