Is it normal to miss your booty call?
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
