Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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