shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
