I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You're like the curious george of whores
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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