these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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