I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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