Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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