its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
