I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Randomize
