she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
