Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
