I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize