Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
