he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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