There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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