dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
we made out on top of his cat.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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