i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
