Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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