walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
