god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
where does the pee come out of this thing
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
