I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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