dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
