you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
