Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
