Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
