this boner is exhausting
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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