it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize
