Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
