i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
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