babies were throwing up all over the place
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize