Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize