I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
