mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
FUCK WHALES
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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