Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
