Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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