He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
