Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
