ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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