Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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