Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize