a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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