opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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