Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
The air was thick with penises
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
