How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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