wat bout pragnant strippers??
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
