On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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