dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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