Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
