It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
