did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
