brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize