I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
