I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
