Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
