Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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