Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Blood and glitter go together right?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
And then he peed in my hair
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