So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
