T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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