dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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