Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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