I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
im holly from the hills drunk
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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