I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
