drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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