brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
