Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
