just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
